“There is a small space in the universe. It is tiny, uncomfortable and stuffy. Only a select few manage to wiggle into that space. It’s called the Bro-zone and I’m in it.”
So, you’re the cool chick. You hang out with the dudes, have a dapper sense of humour, love sports and could defeat two Big Burts’ in a beer-chugging competition while juggling flaming swords!
You wear men’s tees, sport glasses (or maybe not) and cannot stand in stilettos. You also cannot understand what the world calls “girly” stuff. There is enough space for drama in your life but no space for unending stories of how mauve doesn’t go with parrot green. Sure, on a philosophical level, you’re up for a debate. Otherwise, you don’t sweat the little things.
Your friends are mostly guys and they are the shoulder-slapping, hi-fiving bunch. Oh, they completely love you! You are so chill, you wear ice-cubes for glares! (Okay, that did not give a great imagery but roll with it will you?). You’re one of them.
You’re one of them. THERE LIES YOUR MISERY!
That guy you have a crush on (after you’ve been friends for a considerable amount of time) thinks you’re one of the dudes. This is not friend-zone. THIS IS THE BRO-ZONE.
Since I have quite a few male friends, It should be safe to say I’ve done my research. Guys don’t have a friend-zone. Every chick is a potential girlfriend/hook-up material. The bro-zone is more subconscious.
So, how do you tell you are in the bro-zone?
Here’s a checklist:
- He doesn’t make an effort to look nice when you guys “catch up” (It’s not a date)
- He doesn’t give a shit about where you are going to “catch up” (it’s not a date)
- When you do see each other, you get a bro-hug. (That shoulder-to-shoulder hug?)
- Or you get nothing! Just a “wassup dude! long time!”
- His body language – relaxed, legs stretched out in the front, slouched, laid back.
- Random talking about his bros and undertaker.
- More talking about this hot chick he digs at work/college/neighbor/the one that just walked past your table.
- Splits the bill/ Asks you to pay. Doesn’t bother about returning money! (He’ll probably just buy you beer later)
- Will give you a ride if he is free afterwards. Won’t make an effort to drop you home/wherever
- Won’t text to ask if you got home safe. (He probably just went home and crashed/went to another party/ Is busy playing Call of Duty/ smoking up with the homies)
I’m sorry guys, I’m not trying to make you look like douche-bags but this whole bro-zone situation calls for the innuendo! And for most of the time, you’re not even to blame for it!
You can put the blame on me #cueAkonsong
Ladies! You read that right. You’re to blame for being in the bro-zone.
Like I said earlier, every woman/girl is a potential girlfriend. There is not much grey in that department.
You meet a guy through mutual friends. You hit it off. You find common interests and admire the differences. You know there is chemistry and momentum (thank heavens for science!). But because you’re the “cool chick,” chances are you’re treating him like one of your guy friends. He tries to make subtle advances (oh! I know every guy tries. If they like you they will let you know somehow) but you brush them off with either a laugh, a cold stare, a scowl or just refuse to acknowledge it and instead look for signs that your girlfriends told you to look for! Not that they are wrong just that women don’t understand men and vice-versa. (oh me? I’m just an androgynous schmuck throwing around advice like confetti. Love it or hate it.)
I know, I know, you’re doing this to play it cool but girl, this is so not working!
When he tried making an advance, you probably made an awkward joke of it, came across too strong or were just cold about it. If he is a shy guy, this is even harder to handle. If you told him off once, he will never, ever, ever do the same thing again. And if he is the reserved kind, he wouldn’t even make a noise or give a hint about liking you at all once you’ve asked him to “keep off” subconsciously.
The guy thinks you’re not interested and moves you into Bro-Zone!
Thankfully, men are men. It is easy to creep away from the Bro-zone if you gave the man enough coy smiles, intelligent-cocky answers and some motivation to keep pursuing you. However, if the man has other ladies on his mind, it is best to wallow in the misery of being bro-zoned.
“There is a small space in the universe. It is tiny, uncomfortable and stuffy. Only a select few manage to wiggle into this space. It’s called the Bro-zone and we can make space for you. We know you can’t help it because we couldn’t either. We give out badges in this tiny space. The badge has #foreveralone in graphite engraved on it.”