Scrolling through my facebook feed, I stumbled upon this article on ArtParasites.com headlined:
THE Y GENERATION CLICHÉ FEAR OF BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP IS REAL
Sounds likes every other clickbait article on the internet but what got me is this little summary posted with the link:
You will hold a lot of hands, you will stare into thousands of full and empty souls, you will make a lot of promises, you will do, you will regret and you will say one too many “I Love You’s”, all that, in the name of fear, fear from one’s self and what might lie beneath it.
Great start. I was really beginning to feel it and then, the F word (fear) turned up. Now, I had to go read the article because somehow, I didn’t agree with it. Not completely.
The article takes a preachy tone about how people are in the wrong relationships because they are scared of their own selves and haven’t discovered their souls and “what lies beneath.” Baggage and all.
While I am completely for some deep soul-searching and personal introspection, I don’t really comprehend this little part which says “we have to be enlightened to be in love.” There is this notion that you have to be in the “right state” to be in love!
Does that mean people that are happy and “know themselves” won’t make relationship mistakes? It cannot be.
I used to believe in it myself. That was the aftermath of a bad incident of romantic rejection. I began to read up to help myself out of misery. One of the articles I read suggested an exercise:
“When you wake up every day, ask yourself if you would want to date yourself today.”
That exercise just got me more depressed. That is the worst question you could be asking yourself when you’re recovering from a heartbreak.
It was important for me to spend time with myself and re-asses who I wanted to be and let into my life. I just took one day at a time and let time do its thing. Eventually, I met someone and let myself be in love again.
I am not in the least bit “enlightened,” but I am happy. I am happy discovering myself and making mistakes. I am not afraid to be hurt.
I think we all should be able to date ourselves even on the worst day because we kinda already do! Who deals with all your crap? You!
But when you let someone in your life, there are going to be vulnerable moments. For you and them too. There is going to be ego, negativity and a lot of other issues.
A relationship is about two people bringing a lot to the table. Even if you know what you’re made of, you still don’t know what another person can make you feel, what they can invoke in you. That is the beauty of people.
You never meet the same person again. If you do, you’re failing at life. Miserably!
The world is full of people, each person so magnificent in their imperfections, so beautifully flawed. There is so much to take away from every person you meet in your life.
The only fear one could nurse is the fear of making a mistake. The fear of getting hurt and lost. But you’re going to heal and find yourself in that process. If we were to be not taking any of those risks, how would we ever be able to experience a rich life?
Every relationship is going to have dark moments. If you are going to wait around to be perfect or look for perfection, you’d rather not wait. You’d rather not be in love.
Because honestly, there is really no right way to love. There is no right time to be in love. Even if you know yourself.
“Only the shallow know themselves.” -Oscar Wilde