“For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” – Sir Isaac Newton’s Third Law of Motion.
Force comes in pairs apparently – an action and a reaction. While this crucial law of physics has helped people devise several machines and formulas, we fail to apply the little piece of ingeniousness where we need it most – in our lives and our relationships.
So as soon as i got to office this morning, i had a wonderful email in my inbox. It was from a website that i have subscribed to and what it explained really got me excited. So excited, i had to put in on my blog.
I have posted an excerpt of the email, which explains how simply one can uncomplicate life and live in happiness and love. While it doesn’t mention Newton’s third law, just keep it in mind when you read through the mail. I’m sure you will be able to put it in context there.
Without further ado, here goes:
“Today I want to share a psychological loophole that you can use to completely change how people see you, treat you and react to you…
Pay close attention because if you can
truly grasp this, you are going to gain
tremendous power and control over all
your relationships in life – from work to
Here’s the deal – I was recently talking
with a famous dating coach who works
with men and he shared a fascinating
study with me.
I want to keep this e-mail quick so I
won’t go into detail of what the study
was, but the ultimate finding of the
study was that:
People mostly determine how to treat
someone based on the reactions of
Sometimes it’s conscious, sometimes it’s
But the fact is, if you’re in an environment
or around a group of people who love you,
you are far more likely for strangers meeting
you to treat you with that same love and
The other side is true too: If you hang out
with catty, backstabbing “frenemies”, it is
extremely likely that their subtle negative cues
are POISONING the way other people react
to you as well.
This is why I make a point of encouraging you
to ditch people that don’t like you or that treat
you poorly from your life.
Actually – the “frenemy” thing goes further than
them just poisoning your chances to meet people
and have them see you as the wonderful person
that you are…
(And here’s where this psychology loophole
goes from interesting and useful to profoundly
When enough people respond to us in a certain
way, we internalize their reactions as proof that
we are that kind of person.
In other words – if you hang around with nasty,
catty, back-stabbing “friends” who are constantly
cutting you down, treating you poorly and making
you feel bad, you will internalize the idea that
you somehow deserve this and that it’s your
It might not even be your “frenemies” – it could
be a jealous, bitter boss, a family member or
a roommate. It’s sad, but it happens – and it’s
important that you realize the true negative
impact it has on you.
When you are treated poorly long enough, it
clouds the lens that you look at the world
through. You start to become paranoid and
start interpreting innocent remarks as insults, put-
downs or disrespectful statements.
And your negative interpretations cause you to
give people negative reactions which cause them
Treat you poorly in response!
In other words, the psychological “poisoning” of
being around those negative folks who tore you
down ended up causing you to act in a way that
perpetuates the cycle.
It’s not your fault – you didn’t know and you don’t
mean to act in a way that turns people off. In fact,
I’m sure that if you feel like you have a tendency
to turn people off you would do just about anything
to break that cycle and stop it from happening…
I’m going to give you the key to do just that…
And if you can really listen and really let the
lesson I’m about to teach you sink in, you will
not only break the negative cycle that you may
have been stuck in for years (for some people,
decades), but you will also have an incredibly
powerful tool to make people smitten with
The technique is simple, but in order to really get
it, you have to let the significance of it set in.
The technique is this:
Instead of thoughtlessly and habitually reacting to
people, start reacting to them as if they’re treating
you exactly the way that you want to be treated.
The amazing, astounding, mind-blowing truth is that
when you STOP reacting negatively towards a
person’s actions, they STOP treating you in those
And when you START reacting to people as if
they’re treating you in the ways that you’ve always
wanted to be treated, then people START treating
you in accordance to your reactions.
Using this technique produces almost magical
results – at the risk of sounding like a total nerd, it’s
the closest thing I’ve ever discovered to a Jedi mind
trick in real life.
The reason it works is a thing called “sub-text”. See
relationship communication doesn’t happen on the
surface in the words.
The real communication takes place “between the
lines” or through the implied message.
For example, I still tease my younger sister (despite
the fact that I’m now in my thirties). But the sub-text
of my teasing is that I love my sister and that we’re
close enough that she knows I’m kidding and that I
wouldn’t never actually say something meant to be
mean to her.
But if you looked purely at the words of our
teasing and had no context, you might conclude that
we were being mean to each other.
It’s the SUB-TEXT, the message underneath the
message, that lets us know that we care for each
So how do you set the sub-text of your
It all comes down to how you DECIDE to interpret
That’s right – it’s YOUR DECISION.
Most people just let their history and environment
determine how they should look at the world and
so they are forever a victim to it – a puppet to
their environment, upbringing and history.
But when you CHOOSE how to interpret how
people are treating you, your REACTIONS
And when your reactions change, people will
treat you in accordance to your reactions.”
– Eric Charles, A New Mode